Tuesday, 22 November 2016

Old codgers were really old wardogs

Todd broke the news to me that he had asked a bunch of people from a care home along for a look around the armoury. As he gets older and even more decrepid I'm guessing he's trying to feather his nest a bit, or chasing a career. Or it could be a karma thing-god knows.
When the van showed up I thought whoops these guys are all in wheelchairs this could be tricky, then I spotted the muscles on the girls helping and I knew it would be plain sailing.
The old codger to be wheeled in first was Joe. He didn't say anything and looked a bit cold. I shook his hand and tried to make conversation, asked if he wanted a Luger to hold, "no not really" he replied.
Todd asked if he had been in the services. "Navy" he replied. We tried to weedle a bit more out of him and it turned out he chased submarines all over the med in a destroyer for several years and scuttled more than a few. And sunk the French navy on the orders from Churchill to stop it getting in to German hands, the French sailors were still abroad,whoops- another reason possibly why the French don't like us brits a lot.
Most of these guys had a story. Ted was particularly interesting being in the REME repairing tanks in Korea, the care home were lucky to get him back- if I had a comet or valentine in bits it's unlikely they would have.
The very quiet guy suddenly blurted out "have you got a boys anti tank rifle?" then told us all about it, I got this feeling he still had one in his garden shed. Bless um all. A very interesting bunch, a mine of information, I even asked Joe if he had all his adventures written down, he told me about his war journal he had kept and said he may look it out to see if he still agrees with what he wrote all those years ago.
Nick mead

Anti-Fracking Campagners, David Cameron

Had an enquiry about driving Tanklimo around Witney, sounded a nice easy job start at 9am finish at midday.

Then we were told Dame Vivian Westwood was coming along great more the merrier.
And a coach load of anti-fracking Nannies with gas masks. Right at the last minute I was told we were heading for David Cameron's house for the demonstration, ow shit.

Was a little concerned but luckily I had Jill with her Police calming smile and my get out of jail box with its secret unseen contents handy Needles to say the day went smoothly.

Tanklimo went like a dream; Jill did lots of calming, her smile working overtime. And I learned all about Fracking and talking northern, another fun day, another Dollar’s 
Many thanks all involved.

The Stig nearly revealed., Top Gear Reveals Stig, Or Not

We had a call from Guy Fawkes, not the person, the promotions company.  Seemed they wanted to make a statement with massive impact in an attempt to save the Stig and the gangs' jobs!

That's easy, do it in a tank! Of course given that Mr Clarkson had already dished out a few slaps to a colleague, all over a corned beef sandwich after 18 hours of filming, saving his skin was never going to be straightforward.  No doubt the corned beef originated from Argentina and karma always finds a way to even the score.  Fans will remember one particular episode in which the lads managed to upset just about everyone in the country in question.

To cut a long story short, we got the booking and we just happen to keep a Tank hidden in London so we were ready for action in a matter of hours.  This job needed Tank Nut Dave's navigation skills and diplomacy, Jill's police calming and picnic making qualities and my great hair and urban tank driving experience.  

The day went like clockwork but if the truth be told more like cuckoo clockwork.  We arrived with the Stig a tad late so this just added suspense which allowed for even more press to turn up.  We met lots of celebs, took a booking or two then chugged on to the Embankment and had a superb picnic on the tank turret while parked next to the Thames reflecting on the day's events.

I have just one regret and it's a big one.  I will never forgive myself for not taking the opportunity to yank the Stig's joggers down while he had both hands full of a rather large petition!  Jill and I were in the perfect position on the tank and this was really too good to turn down.  I really did want to reveal the Stig in a way that most people hadn't thought of.  I will always wonder if he goes commando or not. 

Soon after the show was axed Stig turned up and confessed he never really liked cars but loved tanks.  Having failed his army medical he has worked at Tanksalot since.  By the way, the reason he didn't speak on the show was that no one can make heads or tails of his Polish accent!

Maybe next time.

The New Dr Who Series

Now the dust  has settled and the new Dr who series has started we can add our pictures to the website Three days and thee night in sunny wales for three minutes of footage, but great footage because it has a Tank in it, do I sound biased.

Hard work all this hurry up and wait. And all the eating drains your strength.

As back up I took smiley Jill my sister when I'm on a film set and heavy work is needed with experience I now know to disappear and leave Jill struggling, and in no time at all she will be surrounded in big burly guys flexing their muscles and falling over each other to help.

The Chieftain behaved itself well yet again which is a miracle for any chieftain. On reflection I slipped up only once I could have saved them a fortune.

The plan was to drive it through the castle gates in to the courtyard as they filled the place with smoke. If I had backed the Chieftain in with the turrets facing backwards, with a couple of revs I could have made more smoke and they wouldn't have needed the tubes on my exhausts and a dozen men on each side running along carrying them.

Watched the first episode loved my tank couldn't even see the top of my head, BUMMER.
Must admit I lost the plot very quickly, maybe it shod now be called Dr What? Rather than Dr who, But cheers guys we both had a great time.

Freshers Week Chester

We had a call from a guy who was a night club promoter in Chester, would it be possible to drive around the streets at night on fresher’s week picking up girls and shipping them to Rosie's the place to be in Chester after dark, basically kerb crawling .

I think you know my answer already.

Now who would be ideally suited for helping out thought, Young girls, night clubs, kerb crawling. In no time at all I had my team picked left at seven in the morning, returned an 5,30 the next morning. Over 22 hours solid of either driving Tank limo around the streets of Chester or being pestered by thousands of drunken frisky young girls. Its a tough job not every guy could handle.

Xxx Thanks Rosie's we must do it again